THE ALBION PIER
How come Crystal Palace, Brighton’s footballing rivals, have a pier named after them slap-bang in the centre of the city? To redress the balance the West Pier will be renamed the Albion Pier.
It will be illuminated with blue and white floodlights, and have a chip shop dedicated to feeding the seagulls, so they stop hassling everyone on the beach.
Everyone’s a winner.
We will drastically reduce the number of Traffic Wardens, and replace them with Triffic Wardens. Rather than ruining your day, they will be dedicated to ensuring that everyone’s doing Triffic.
They might give you a helping hand with the shopping, or offer a kind word just when you need it.
And they won’t be handing out parking tickets, but tickets to concerts, the circus, the theatre and whatever else you fancy doing
Anyone sporting a moustache, real or fake, will be reimbursed with 20p for every £1 they pay in tax. With Brexit having been such a divisive issue, at least we will all have something that we have in common.
PINK GRASS PARKS
All the grass from the Level to Old Steine Gardens will be dyed pink. It will serve as a constant reminder that the grass is never greener on the other side. Let’s be positive, and make a good go of it.
Things might turn out alright.